MNKY Madness & the Tuna Drought
There are lunch breaks, and then there are lunch breaks — the kind that start with a sad solo panini and end in a smoky jungle dining room with flaming steak and accidental near-allergic reactions. Welcome to another week in the city.
£9.95 Meal Deal Misfire at Alex’s Bakery
It started with a solo stroll on my lunch break, the clouds temporarily parted, and the £9.95 meal deal at Alex’s Bakery in the Great Northern Warehouse whispered my name louder than my inbox did.
I’d told Garrick I was heading there.
“What you getting?”
“Tuna,” I replied.
“Just tuna?” he asked.
I laughed. “Nah, surely not just tuna.”
Spoiler alert: it was just tuna.
Descending (or ascending, depending on your spiritual direction) into Alex’s was as quaint and inviting as expected. Greeted with a friendly smile and the classic “What would you like?” I confidently placed my order:
Tuna panini, Kinder Bueno cupcake, and orange juice. The latter chosen because, well, it wasn’t raining yet and I was feeling zesty.
I made my way upstairs to a peaceful little perch to watch the world go by, and for a brief moment, the “break” in lunch break actually made sense.
Then the food arrived.
🥪 The Loneliest Panini in the World
No mayo.
No cheese.
No cucumber.
No butter (as far as I could tell).
Just… tuna.
It was dry. It was silent. It needed help. A condiment. A friend. Anything.
Of course, when asked if everything was okay, I gave the national response: “Great, thanks.”
Lies.
Thankfully, redemption came in the form of the Kinder Bueno cupcake—soft, sweet, gooey in all the right places. Alex’s knows dessert; the cupcake came through like a loyal friend dragging you from that weird guy in the club.
On my way out, I asked if toppings could be added to the tuna.
“Yeah, you could add cheese or rocket.”
Rocket? Not sure how I feel about eating my panini with a side of lawn trimmings, but cheese? Now we’re talking. Next time I’ll ask. Maybe even smile. Maybe.
Into the Jungle: Friday Night at MNKY HSE
Fast Forward to Friday.
After the dry panini saga, I was craving something a bit… extra. Enter: MNKY HSE.
Instagram had been quietly gaslighting me all week about their £29.95 Steak & Lobster deal (available Thurs, Fri, Sun – advance bookings only), but I was more intrigued by the 5 Wave Menu Del Día (£39pp). Five courses. Vibes. Let’s go.
Beck and I made our way there, umbrella in hand because… Manchester. Upon entry, the host took my umbrella (swanky), and we were seated. The energy? Electric, yet sexy. Think rainforest rave meets dining room candlelit chic.
The place is dark, sultry, and borderline cinematic. There’s ambient lighting, tropical plants, jungle drums, and smoke machines. You half expect Tarzan to swing past holding a cocktail.
And then the food waves began.
The 5 Waves (Well, Sort Of)
🌮 Wave 3 First? Why Not.
The tacos (Wave 3, bizarrely) arrived first.
“Starters… Where are they?” we wondered.
We ate anyway, like the good Brits we are. Beck had the beef cheek taco; I had the tempura prawn. Tender, saucy, and a little messy—like all good nights.
No stress. We devoured them with polite confusion.
🥩 Wave 2: Raw Power
Then Wave 2 (the actual Wave 2) arrived. I had beef tartar on dauphinoise potatoes—raw beef + creamy carbs = yes. Beck’s yellowtail sashimi was delicate, citrusy and made her do that little head-nod of approval we all know and love.
A ninja-like host appeared out of nowhere. I turned and found myself almost face-to-chest. At this point, I’d eaten raw meat, almost suckled on a man in the dark & I still hadn’t seen my starter. It was a journey.
🍗 Wave 1: Late to the Party
Eventually, Wave 1 turned up for me — chicken wings with smoked chilli sauce. Beck still had nothing, so I did the classic polite pause. She insisted I eat, so I did. Regret nothing.
Her starter — cheese bread — finally arrived It was glorious. The kind of cheesy, pillowy, golden bread that makes you forget it was late.
Mains: Slightly Pink Chicken, Big Trust Energy
We both opted for the Robata Chicken with Coconut Rice. The rice? Sticky and flavourful. The chicken? A bit pinker than we were comfortable with.
Beck raised an eyebrow.
Enter: New Waiter.
New character unlocked.
I must’ve scared off the last one after our earlier face-to-chest moment. Can’t blame him.
I quietly mentioned the chicken's “rosy glow” and he reassured us:
“Totally safe. It’s chicken thigh — darker meat. All temp-checked in the kitchen.”
I trusted him. I ate. I survived. Beck stayed sceptical. Two days later, I remain symptom-free and victorious.
🧠 ALLERGY ALERT: The Dessert Dilemma
Beck has a nut allergy. I reminded the new waiter, who studied the dessert menu like he was seeing it for the first time in his life.
“The lime & avocado cheesecake has pistachio—definitely not that,” he said.
Correct.
He looked over the dessert menu again with the kind of focus usually reserved for a pub quiz final, clearly unsure which items were safe. When Beck mentioned she was interested in the Chocolate Pyramid, he paused and said:
“It should be fine… but I’ll check with the kitchen and raise it if there’s any issue.”
Good answer. Always better to check.
I threw caution to the wind & went with the Lime & Avocado Cheesecake with Salted Pistachio Crumble — absolutely not Beck-safe, but someone had to taste the riskier combo.
Halfway through the desserts, he returned to the table with a question that caught us both off guard:
“Any reactions?”
Beck and I paused.
“No…?”
She lived to tell the tale & to finish the dessert, which was rich, velvety, and nut-free after all. But a mid-dessert allergy status check? Not the most reassuring moment we’ve had.
Bill Paid, Umbrella Lost, No Regrets
We paid, left, and as we stepped outside, I realised… I forgot my umbrella.
But the sky was clear. And maybe, just maybe, someone in the city needed a work-sponsored umbrella more than I did.
The Takeaways 🍴
Alex’s Bakery: Get the cupcake. Add cheese to the tuna. Be honest next time someone asks how it was.
MNKY HSE: Go for the vibes, stay for the waves. Be brave with the raw beef. Question pink chicken, but trust the vibes.
Always check for your umbrella.
Until the next bite,
– Find Dining